A Boy Named ‘I’ll Sue’. Part 1

Face it. People throughout the ages have sought ways to get rich quick. That is, they want something that does not actually involve dull stuff such as going out and working hard, saving and investing. That is why gambling is so popular, especially, it seems, among people who can ill afford it.

We at The Ornery Reports have never been big on this. Oh, we have played various games of chance in the past, but each time, we could almost hear the sound of a toilet flushing as our money changed hands. Mind you, this was at reputable business establishments and not because we were meeting a guy named Jake in the men’s room at a sports arena to wager on the outcome of a game. We never could see much point in patronizing bookies or the like for two very good reasons. One was that our luck was bad even in office betting pools. The second was that we like our limbs as they are, not rearranged into some Dali-esque portrayal of human anatomy.

What we have sought then is some foolproof method for gambling that does not involve risking limb or life and we believe we have come up with one. We are going to either sue someone and win or get sued by somebody with deep pockets and win. Either way, we should be able to walk away with a nice cash settlement.

The secret is to target carefully. There is absolutely no point in going after someone or some company that is going to go belly up. At the same time, there is probably no point in going after your neighbor because he is no doubt in the same leaky boat you are. (In fact, if you follow our strategy and win, your neighbor will likely sue you.) Similarly, we see no point in wasting time on someone who does not care.

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